This year, my birthday sort of didn't really hit me. If I cared it probably would've been the best birthday yet for an onlooker... but... I guess there's been times when I have cared and those times were happier: not as meaningful but happier. Anyways, my mind is quite messed up right now (screw you focus 10). At times I'm surprised that I"m already 19, which is very close to 20, which is equivilant to two decades or 20% of a century. Am I really that old? Yes, I know... I've been alive for a while and I've gone through a lot and I've done a lot. When you start recalling all the little moments from everywhere, and start summing up the total amount of times it took for me to get there and then move on... it adds up quite fast. Life, for me, had taken on surprising turns that doesn't quite make sense from afar, but upon scrutiny the decisions I've made have worked out for me. (I'm sure not all of them really worked out... but I think for the most part, everything major is the best I can make it to be. Of course some things are beyond my power, but that's that.)
Yeah, I actually, for some time now, don't think that life is all that short... that probably shows you how much I know and how much of life I'm exposed to... meh. But I think it's more about being disciplined enough to make use of as much of your time as you can... which is hard, and I do slack off A LOT... which is natural, I guess. To be fair to myself though I think I've done quite a bit in the last term, and that I've accomplished quite a bit: I've gone through with interviews and learned about the process (so I got what I wanted out of it, even if my pay sucks), I've done FM, I've ran a tournament, I've done pretty well in 4/5 of my courses, I've made some new friends, I've met him twice, and I've sortaf grown.
So what's all this bullcrap now? I know there're a few more days to new year but... I guess... here's one new year's resolution for myself:
Don't go nuts.
Yeah, that'll be quite necessary. But anyways, that's off topic again... point is, here's another point in time marked by that ruler that we call the Gregorian Calendar... and that point, as any other points in time, marks hope (hmmm, should I be feeling anything when I'm typing this? ... because apparently I don't.) ... and so my hope is that I'll make use of my time ... while not going nuts.
End of entry
5 comments:
wow, if you don't feel that life is short, you've gotta be quite superior to claim as such =O
and cmon, growth -_- what's with that word... there's no such thing as maturity imo, just goosegumps whenever i see a similar word =P
hm, there's a bit of hint here and there that you're ashamed of yourself >< just my observation
"Don't go nuts", why not "Don't go crazy"? XD fine, "DON'T GO NUTS"!!!
and new year? it's a break for humans and deceived humans think of it as an important point of time... comercially wise, it's favorable, but otherwise, it's quite useless so to speak. and if one does not see it as a break, well, then you're.....
1. i think it's quite the contrary... it's quite natural for little children to think that life is awfully long... because they haven't seen as much of life ad they would when they get older, and doesn't feel that there's a whole lot to explore... or mebbe it's just a sense of impatience? ionno
2. if you think of "maturity" as a high plateau, a point reached, or a destination, then i agree with you: that there's no such thing as "maturity"... but people learn things and sometimes they behave differently or think differently as a result of those new "things"... and by "growth", that's the kind of meaning i'm trying to encapsulate
3. really? i haven't noticed. (but i do think i know most of my flaws very well, if that's what you're getting at
I think iz a lovely time of year. the beginning, when everything seems new.. and they are, because if ur mind thinks so, then it is... like how if ur mind thinks u have a disease then it will produce symptoms in ur body as if u actually had the disease... kewl eh XD
anyway, Happy New Year to ya =)
and the WHO CALENDER???? XDDD
<3
1. i don't know where you get that perception from, probably from... It would be more appropriate that they merely don't care about the length of life, because they haven't seen much of life; they rather enjoy the present and do whatever without consequences (your argument of impatience, in fact, supports this). About that doesn't feel that there's a whole lot to explore... I don't see how they would see such.
2. Ok, so that's your definition of growth, but I would say a more suitable word is enhanced, because there really is no change, it brings what is inside you out, but w/e, that works.
3. Seriously, it is a stubborn thing to say you know most of your flaws, and to say very well, is beyond stubborn... so maybe your thoughts are screwed up at that moment or something. I am just saying it from a spectator's point of view; you don't have to care.
1. sure
2. yeah, sure, use that word or any other word...
3. if you think you know better, try me. (seriously)
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